ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Moeen Ali, the greatest English spinner of all time, has put his hand up before play today, taking time out of his busy pre-game preparations to apologise for trying to dome Steve Smith in the first over yesterday.

The Brummie offie said he felt that England needed to stamp their authority over the Australians early on day four and he guesses the moment got the better of him.

“As I was walking back to my mark, I was thinking of history’s most intimidating bowlers in international cricket. From Shoaib Akhtar to Adam Zampa, I had many to choose from,”

“And when I started off, Jeff Thomson came into my mind and all of a sudden, I’ve bowled a beamer right at Steve Smith’s head! Stone the crows, I was so embarrassed!”

“So I’d like to apologise to my teammates and Steve Smith. Actually, to Australia in general. Except for Matthew Hayden because your chicken biriyani tastes like shit, mate.”

Many of the reporters laughed, including Nine’s Mark Taylor who took court from Moeen to add that if he thinks his chicken biriyani tastes like shit, he should try his satay bolognese.

“I’m telling you,” said Taylor.

“If you spilt any of that satay bolognese on your floorboards, it’d lift the fucking varnish right off it!”

With that strange comment from Mark, the reporters filed away one by one to the media centre at the other end of the ground.

More to come.


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