After a big day of being pushed around by adults who just don’t get it, Federal Senator Sam ‘Dasher’ Dastyari has turned to the only person who fully understands him, Marshall Mathers III.

Dasher, 34, says when he’s getting weighed under with the pressure of being the youngest Labor representative in the upper house, he always throws on a bit of ‘Sing For The Moment’ – because it reminds him that there are other end-bracket Millenials out their going through the same stuff.

“I almost tear up every time I hear “Hailie’s Song” – Eminem is so real” he says, before swallowing two ritalins and getting stuck into his homework.

“He’s the only one who understands what it’s like dealing with evil old people like Pauline and Michaelea”

“But I do know one thing though, bitches they come, they go. Saturday through Sunday Monday. Monday through Sunday, yo”

“I don’t know. After this whole China thing, I realised it was time to start cleaning out my closet”

Dasher’s mother, however, says she is a bit worried about the music her son has been listening to, and doesn’t want it playing in the house when his little siblings are around.

“I snapped his last CD” says Mrs Dastyari.

“It was very vulgar. He needs to find other things to do with his time. No more vile rap music and South-China sea stuff”.


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