It was a who’s who of Melbourne’s elite over the weekend at the annual Alpha Romeo Portsea Polo event.

Politicians, actor, musicians and thousands of other men and women with big social media followings could be seen littering the grounds and marquees dressed like Bermudans with white summer dresses, blazers, shorts and boat shoes.

However, it wasn’t all rosé and cocaine for the punters who came out to pretend they enjoyed watching a watered-down version of English aristocracy at Point Nepean National Park over the weekend, with many complaining that it was windy.

As the Herald Sun reports, the Apex gang has been trying for months to bring its brand of suburban thuggery to Melbourne’s rural peninsula’s, and what better way to let their presence be known than with the appalling weather experienced over the weekend at the Polo.

It has been reported by non-Government crimewatch bodies that despite only representing roughly one percent of the populations, African gangs are responsible for up to 43% of all violent wind at bourgeoise instagram events.

The gang, named after Apex St in Dandenong North, from where several of its founders hail, has been on the radar of police for some time, and extra security was put in place over the weekend to protect the Portsea Polo stables from horse-jackings.

“We believe one or two prize polo horses may have been horse-jacked by African teenagers” said one Victorian Liberal politician, speaking on behalf of the police for some reason.

“Either that or they’ve pulled up lame and will have to spend the rest of their lives in a pool of water – all I know is there was a couple horsing missing when my daughters went in for a pat”



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