Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott is reportedly refusing to leave his bedroom of his Canberra apartment today, as the lower house reach the final stages of legalising same sex marriage.

While the Coalition seems to be the most vocal in regards to patting themselves on the back over the imminent historical moment for Australian civil rights, their one-time leader, the member for Warringah is refusing to acknowledge the wishes of 62% of Australia and 75% of his electorate.

Liberal MP Tim Wilson has proposed to his long-term partner Ryan Bolger in the House of Representatives, shortly after the same-sex marriage bill was introduced to the Lower House, by the husky gay icon from North Queensland, Warren Entsch.

The proposal is believed to be the first of its kind in the Lower House of Parliament, and was greeted with applause from all sides of politics and the public gallery – except for the notably absent Tony Abbott.

“Fuck off” Abbott yelled at his frustrated staffers, before slamming his bedroom door.

“You don’t understand what it’s like to be me!”

With his daughter, sister and a vast majority of his own constituents firing him text messages asking him to please grow up and join in on the democratic process, the staunch Catholic has refused to bow down to the pressure of his overbearing immediate family.

At time of press, Abbott was reportedly playing the early 2000s billboard hit ‘I’m Sorry I Can’t Be Perfect’ by emo-pop band Simple Plan.



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