Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA shopping basket is raising lots of questions today as a local uni student loads up for their weekly shop.Standing in front of a wall of instant cake mixes, ice cream toppings and waffle cones, first year criminology student Erika Hayes looks like she might be baking for a fundraising morning tea.But after rummaging through the boxes of...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactProminent surgeon, Miles Brune (51), is known for his lavish lifestyle, his fast cars and his multiple mistresses. However, Brune has sent a chilling warning to the rest of us after posting on his well- followed Instagram that, “Money can’t buy you happiness”. This appeared at odds with the surgeon’s well-documented and excessive lifestyle. The post itself was even set against...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe Cunningham family has this week gone on a frenzied search for their nan, after almost losing her (and her weekly pension) to the glitz and glamour of the Betoota Tavern pokies room The Betoota Tavern or ‘Toots Tav’ as it’s affectionately named, is a beloved establishment for families in the Ponds district, due to its nightly meal deals...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local grazier has today felt himself slip from his usual stoic old self in to a hot-headed sheep handler that he barely recognises. Mr Forbes Yeoval, of "World's End" via Betoota, told The Advocate in the front bar of the Friendship Inn this afternoon that possibly due to a number of external factors providing...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In an unfortunate turn of events, local Year 12 student at Betoota Trinity College, Tristan Christopher (17) , has decided to drop out of school midway through his Higher School Certificate examinations after shamefully calling his teacher 'Mum.'  The catastrophe began outside the school hall in between testing periods for the HSC. When trying to figure out if he...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a headline that makes the writer sound old as the invention of light, it has been confirmed that at one point in time paying more for something used to mean the thing got better. In case you have been living under a rent controlled rock, the price of everything has risen like Jesus on Easter Sunday but without...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has been left in fear for his life this weekend, after his girlfriend was seen transforming into the scariest version of herself. With plans to enjoy a simple night in rewatching The Walking Dead, Joshua Holloway had no idea of the horrors that would await him in a few hours time - courtesy of the infamous...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Whoever said there was a man drought in the Greater Betoota Metropolitan Area were gravely mistaken. This myth was busted tonight, after local bachelor Dennis 'Big Denny' Dewson (33) went BIG for a date with a girl he met on the apps. Having perused her photos, which mostly showed her enjoying the sights of continental Europe on her post-pandemic eurotrip...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTStaying up to date with current online trends has reached outside of the world of digital media as a Betoota therapist has confirmed they are unwillingly up to date with basically everything that is happening on TikTok. With 100% of polite society now completely mentally ill, therapists around the world have been handed a licence to absolutely print money. For...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Clare Simpkins-Mattingly used to burn bras at University. She used to march against Australia's involvement in Vietnam, she she used to dream about travelling Africa to help the kids - but her staunch military father insisted she settle down and find herself a good rugby player with a future in small retailing businesses. She was introduced to her now husband,...