Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man, or McChungus, began his day in typical fashion by dining in at the McDonald's restaurant on Old City Bypass Road this morning. Dennis Putter, a 49-year-old senior network engineer at South Betoota Polytechnic College, likes to park his late-model Holden Trax on the shady side of the car park. He explained to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some developing news, an elderly woman has reportedly been taken to hospital this afternoon after seeing a popular French Quarter chiropractor, with incoming reports stating the woman had been manhandled with the ‘same amount of care you’d expect the elderly to receive from the average NSW police officer. Grandmother of seven, Genevieve Brixton, 89, is alleged to have...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Melbourne bloke has caught a once in a lifetime lucky break today, after waking up with an extremely sore head from enjoying Melbourne Cup festivities until 5am. Based in Glen Waverley, the bloke, who wishes to use a fake name, told The Advocate over the phone that he was severely dreading going to work this morning, having spent roughly...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTBetoota senior Geraldine Groucher (88) doesn’t hear much from her family anymore but hopes to once they rethink their whole ‘marrying protestants’ nonsense. Without much family contact, Mrs Groucher’s days are spent wheeling herself out to watch daytime quiz shows, searching for her iPad, failing to unlock her iPad, watching more quiz shows before having a slice of toast...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota couple who defied some seriously stacked odds and purchased some property received a bollocking reminder that their days of being treated like a dirty renter are not over yet. After visiting a Rocky montage’s worth of open houses, filling out a river of forms and having their eyes damaged by no less than 20 shit eating grins...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a world constantly crying ‘Nanny State’, a pseudo report by a Betoota ‘doctor’ has confirmed that a Nana State would actually be pretty good if you think about it. The Doctor in question is Dr Dom, a Desert Rock FM talkback host who hosts a late night radio show popular with truckies, nursing mums and anyone else unfortunate...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a world that recently moved from theme park prices to wedding prices, it makes complete sense that a hospitality worker would like to ask you for a tip, as awkward and American as it is. Ingeniously, one Betoota waiter claims to have figured out a rather cunning way to determine if a table is worth pushing for a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a rare showing of community spirit, the Australian banks are urging Taylor Swift fans to remain vigilant about ticket scams ahead of her upcoming blockbuster tour. Just this week, the Australian Securities and Investments Commission revealed that around 20 dodgy websites were being taken down per day. The scammers are offering everything from fake cryptocurrency opportunities to Taylor...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota dad has been reminded once again he can never beat the machine after being humiliated by a pod coffee machine once again.On the market now for well over 10 years, pod coffee machines are an alternative to simply buying coffee at a cafe where users instead buy the machine, buy some pods, realise they bought the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota fishing supplies shop has admitted it has phoned things in recently but that sales have never been better. The confusingly named Ponds Sea Fishing Supplies, in Betoota Ponds, sells a range of fishing rods, lines and lures as well as a curated selection of cheeky shirts that have some funny ways to say ‘I fish for a...