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Peking Duk Reveal Plans For 2018: Buying The Raiders And Appointing Ken Nagas As Coach

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following a warm reception to the release of their new single ‘Let You Down’ featuring Swedish electropop duo Icona Pop, the North Canberra electronic music duo Peking Duk have today revealed even bigger plans for 2018. Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, the band says their latest collaboration is a modern heartbreak melody and the first to feature vocals from one-half of...

Brisbane Says It’d Prefer A Real Youth Crime Problem Over These Lame Fucks On Scooters

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The people of Brisbane are cringeing today at the fact that the closest thing to street-crime that their inner-city police have had to address is a bunch of lame kids riding scooters. This comes as several arrests were made against teenagers who were dangerously riding scooters through the city on Sunday in what appeared to be an event...

Financial Sector Confirm “Staff Bonding” Code For “The Boss Will Be Doing Cocaine Too”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Feeling extremely delicate, tender, frazzled and flat, young Sam Wilson is not in a good state today. After another “team bonding session” where the aspiring investment banker consumed a copious amount of alcohol and a significant amount of cocaine, Wilson told the Advocate that he wouldn’t mind something more traditional. “Fuck me. I’m very dusty. This shit takes...

Open-Minded Drunk Chicks Encourage Shy Taxi Driver To Put His Bollywood Tunes Back On

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local taxi driver has today been asked to not be embarrassed about his taste in music, as a backseat of drunk Aussie girls encourage him to turn it up. The driver, who was listening a very loud Bollywood dance song just as the girls climbed into his ride, was quick to change the stereo source from his own...

Entrepreneur From Hometown Finally Settles On A Business Idea That Isn’t A Pyramid Scheme

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local girl that you haven't really heard much about since she briefly moved to the city for the three months before returning back to your shared hometown, has started up another short-lived business, it has been confirmed. The invitation to like her new business page on Facebook has her entire social media network wondering if this is...

Bloke Who Sells Admin Software To Medium-Sized Businesses Describes Job As ‘Hustlin’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT To the untrained eye, 28 year old Jacob Lieschke is a sales representative for a company that sells workflow systems to medium sized corporations. Ask the man himself however, and you’ll get a different answer. “I’m a hustler. I’m out there hustling all day erry (sic) day.” Following the phenomenon of young men taking a steadfast and tenacious approach...

“I’m The Big Dog” Says Bloke Who Isn’t The Big Dog

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An ambitious local man has been campaigning on-and-off for several years now with a self-given nickname that suggests he is at the top of the food chain in his social circle. When asked where his nickname came from, Stuart Williams just shrugs and says "everyone calls me it" "Because it's true" The 28-year-old online butcher sales rep has even gone as...

Surfie Confuses Beachgoers By Not Pointlessly Sprinting As Fast As He Can Into Ocean

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local boardrider has broken surfie protocol today by casually walking through the sand towards the ocean, without making a big deal. Nearby beachgoers say his lack of pace confused everyone. "I got a bit suspicious" said one lifeguard, Joe. "Whats his go? No one just walks into the ocean, you've got to do a really dramatic sprint while flicking you...

Girlfriend’s Workmates Not As Fun As She Sold Them To Be

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Even though she has explicitly admitted to the fact that the workmates she socialises with are not good company outside of work, it looks like Friday night is booked out by some sort of shit staff event that your girlfriend insists will be good. A recent report by the Australian Unions has found that a majority of the surveyed...

Bachelorette Recap: Stafford Brothers-Lookalike Gets Mercilessly Friend-Zoned

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Well the 4th episode started off just as uncomfortably as the show can get, with Osher Gunsberg arriving to the Jock Mansion with a series of tasks that most jocks would delight in - proving their masculinity through physical exercise. After challenge each other to a plank-off, the toxic masculinity that has so-far laid as latent as possible is...

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