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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local half-wit has taken delight in poking fun at the amount of grog currently being purchased by the customer queued in front of him at The Betoota Family Cellars today. The smart arse, who appears to be buying one six pack of shit looking beer, appears to be waiting for a Olympic applause after rattling out probably the...

Police have issued a warning to all designated drivers today: Stay away from Nan’s Rum Balls. The warning comes after a spate of DUI’s across the country, directly linked to consumption of the potent Christmas sweet. Diamantina Police Spokesperson Troy Pisasale confirmed that over 50 people have returned positive breath tests during the Christmas period. “I understand that people are just trying...

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT A local Betoota man is trying his level best to have a conversation with his son’s boyfriend today, after both of them dropped by the family home for an early Christmas lunch this afternoon. Barry Bilson, 56, has always prided himself on being a good father to his son, also Barry. However, his traditionally conservative upbringing and his relative...

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT A local Betoota scam artist is waiting with bated breath today, after launching a brand new worldwide con involving sending people emails from financial giant ‘Poypal’. The man, who we interviewed on condition of anonymity, is optimistic that his latest scheme is a winner, and that most people would skim over the fact that that’s not how you spell...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betoota recruiter Paul Miller (28) has had to abandon his plans for a relaxing weekend upon realising he can no longer neglect his adult responsibilities. While Miller usually enjoys a weekend of late mornings and day drinking, even the chance of a sneaky couple of beers is looking unlikely as the 28-year-old mulls over the impending loads of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Clive Palmer has been spotting wielding an M16 machine gun at on the top floor of his Coolum mansion today, while knocking off representatives from the liquidation agency probing into the collapse of Queensland nickel. The victims of this hail of gunfire say they will seek to have Clive Palmer found in contempt of court if he does not...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prominent ex-Channel Nine executive Daniel Gycker OAM says he has been rattled by the allegations made about Don Burke and published overnight in a joint Fairfax and ABC investigation. The former high-ranking Channel 9 boss has gone on the record to say that he always thought 'Donnie was a bit suss' and "possibly a sexual offender that wielded too...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT What was meant to be a fun event for anyone over 30 has turned into a nightmare for Michelle Handley (29) who managed to survive the family BBQ by pretending to go to the toilet in order to check her phone. The BBQ in question was Handley’s first family event since splitting with her partner Sal, prompting all...

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT Maverick MP Bob Katter has today renewed calls for a new $120 million plebiscite into whether crocodiles should be allowed to eat North Queenslanders or not. Katter stated, in a press release, that he believes it is every Australian’s right to have a say in whether or not North Queenslanders were worth keeping around. “Frankly, this is one of the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As they always say, there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. If ever the adage rang true, it was this weekend, as a Fremantle punter learnt the value of some “free” lollies. Popping in for a couple of beers with some mates on the weekend, Phil Walsh, a business analyst at a reputable firm thought he...