Betoota recruiter Paul Miller (28) has had to abandon his plans for a relaxing weekend upon realising he can no longer neglect his adult responsibilities.

While Miller usually enjoys a weekend of late mornings and day drinking, even the chance of a sneaky couple of beers is looking unlikely as the 28-year-old mulls over the impending loads of laundry, interior rearranging, grocery shopping, parental visit and dreaded trip to IKEA he has been avoiding for too long.

Friends of Miller state there is a deeper reason for the recruiter’s sudden need of life admin.

“His girlfriend is moving in next week and he has done fuck all to prepare for it so far. Guess he won’t be round for Saturday beers! He said Sunday beers were a maybe.”

For Miller, the first step in making it through this fucker of a weekend will be accepting that he is not going to have any fun at all.

“I’m getting used to it. Weekends are getting less and less fun, by not getting my hopes up at least I’m giving myself some opportunity to be happy.”

Those close to Miller say obligations are not the only reason his weekends are becoming increasingly full of adult activities. Reports have circulated Miller has even purchased a book as a way to spend his time relaxing this weekend.

“He’s just getting old mate. We’ve all got laundry that needs doing and furniture that needs to be replaced. Doesn’t mean we’re going to ruin our weekend over it.”

Miller denies these accusations wholeheartedly, stating he wishes he could spend his weekend drinking to relax instead of finding long-term satisfaction from organising his life for the better.

Somewhat conflicted by his need to stay youthful and urge to keep order, Miller knows one thing for sure;

“Leaving IKEA is going to be a massive relief, don’t you worry about that.”


  1. Even on screen entertainment now is full of Adult Themes – superannuation, dental splints, accessible public transport and captions for the hearing impaired.


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