Maverick MP Bob Katter has today renewed calls for a new $120 million plebiscite into whether crocodiles should be allowed to eat North Queenslanders or not.

Katter stated, in a press release, that he believes it is every Australian’s right to have a say in whether or not North Queenslanders were worth keeping around.

“Frankly, this is one of the biggest and most pressing issues of our time. Even bigger than that whole marriage equality thing – this one affects everyone”

“And these bleeding hearts whitefellas aren’t helping. We had a lot less croc attacks when it was just my brother cousins up here keeping the population low”

“We all know a North Queenslander – they’re our co-workers, they’re our league players, and some of them are even our friends. And it’s high time we all came together and gave them the basic human right of not being devoured by a large croc. But that’s for Australia to decide”

Katter’s plea for North Queensland equality comes in stark contrast to the Australian Conservatives, who issued their own statement in response to this new call.

“The Australian Conservatives believe, first and foremost, that a meal is between a crocodile and a North Queenslander. Any attempts to change the definition of this is to disrespect the very foundation of Crocodile religion – and we will fight for our right to express this view”

“Also, Safer Schools is bad and we’d much prefer to spend $120 million dollars on deciding what to do with Christian bakers who don’t want to make gay cakes”


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