Clive Palmer has been spotting wielding an M16 machine gun at on the top floor of his Coolum mansion today, while knocking off representatives from the liquidation agency probing into the collapse of Queensland nickel.

The victims of this hail of gunfire say they will seek to have Clive Palmer found in contempt of court if he does not hand over financial documents relating to the company.

The documents were supposed to be produced to the Federal Court in Brisbane on Thursday and Mr Palmer’s lawyers were unable to provide them on Friday morning.

It is believed after arriving at Palmer’s Sunshine Coast residence this morning, the liquidators were met with immediate hostility, as the former Federal MP and Joh-era entrepreneur greeted them from the top of a marble staircase.

“You wait for me. I’m coming back.”

Within minutes Mr Palmer returned from his master bedroom with a 5.56 mm calibre M16 rifle, before addressing his uninvited guests as ‘cockroaches’.

“Okay, liquidators. You want to fuck with me? You’re fucking with the best! You want to fuck with me?
“You cockroaches. You want to play games? Okay, I play with you. You wanna play rough?”
Palmer was then seen aiming his pre-buyback vintage assault rifle at the crowd of forensic accountants.
“Say hello to my little friend! You want to play rough? There! You like that? You want more? You whores! Cowards!”
“Want to fuck with me? Go ahead! Die! How’d you like that? You fucking grogdog! You think you can take me? You need a fucking army, if you gonna take me! You hear? Come on! I take you all to fucking hell!”
“Who you think you fucking with? I’m Big Clive! You fuck with me, you fucking with the best! I’m still standing.
Come on! I take your fucking arrest warrant You think you kill me with warrants Go ahead!”
It is not yet known how many people were killed at Clive Palmer’s estate this morning, or whether he will produce any financial records in time without having to flirt with imprisonment.

Queensland Nickel collapsed with debts of about $300 million leaving 800 workers at its Yabulu refinery in Townsville in north Queensland out of work.

While Mr Palmer was not a director when Queensland Nickel collapsed, liquidators claim he was secretly running the company and using its funds to bankroll other businesses and his now-defunct political party.

Speaking to The Betoota Advocate after the violent massacre, Clive Palmer says he believes Sir Joh and the Thiess brothers would be rolling in their grave this morning upon learning off all the unnecessary heat being put on a fair dinkum grogposter like himself.

“Jeez no wonder nothing gets done in this country. I’m just trying to dig a little bit of mineral out of the ground and they treat me like an enemy of the state!”

“Wendy Deng is a Chinese Spy! Why aren’t you all going after Murdoch!”


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