ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A group of young Australians have pulled off the impossible and secured an apartment in Berlin this week and one of their new neighbours is thrilled at the prospect of living next door to some adventurous go-getters.

Max Mustermann, 42, told The Advocate that he shares a common wall with the Australians. He spoke to our reporter via wireless telephone earlier today where he spelled out just what that means to a native Berliner like himself.

“Australians, they only come to Berlin for one thing, you know,” he said in perfect English.

“Ketamine – and the party. They will be up all night for the first week, I guarantee it. You know, they [Australians] don’t come here like they do for other places such as London or even Amsterdam. To move to those places, they need to have a good job and make some money. Like the corporate lawyers in London or the ING bankers that have a bit of go about them, they go to Amsterdam, yes,”

“Australians coming to Berlin, especially to Neukölln, bad news. They will be so loud. Try to speak to me in German. I can speak English, please just don’t make it hard for both of us. But I have been living near Australians before, I know what they are like,”

“They get themselves into K-holes and can’t get in the building, they lose their keys, they buzz my flat and ask me to let them in and they don’t just go to sleep, they smoke in the hallways and in their flat. It’s disgusting,”

“I’m not looking forward to this again. Australians are to me like cats. I like cats but am allergic. Also, they all want a native Berliner friend to give them some credibility in being there, like Australians make good friends because they always have drugs, smokes and wine in their flat. Good for some, I guess. They’re all rich, too, like they appear to be poor from the outside,”

“Leben ist kein Ponyhof.”

More to come.


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