The American township of Santa Fe has today been reminded of just how lucky they are to live in the greatest country in the world.

During first period class at Santa Fe High School, there were reports of an active shooting. Students and faculty evacuated the building when a fire alarm was activated. According to CBS News, there are at least ten (10) fatalities and one suspect in custody, who is believed to have raided his dad’s gun collection because he has poor interpersonal skills and has been afforded the God-given right to have access to these kinds of weapons.

While emergency staff and grieving parents rush around the campus in a traumatic hysteria, the star-spangled banner can be heard playing through the school’s PA system, as each and every person there is reminded just how amazing their country is.

The 17-year-old student dressed in a trenchcoat and armed with a shotgun and a revolver barged inside a classroom at a southeast Texas high school on Friday and opened fire, killing at least 10 people and terrorizing hundreds more, just like every other nutcase who feels the need to go down in a blaze of glory, killing innocent young people.

Nine students and one teacher were killed in the shooting at Santa Fe High School, according to several law enforcement sources who cautioned that the number could change.

The murder suspect was identified as a local goth kid and police were seeking to gain access to his cellphone and computer, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said the shooter, a former member of the high school football team, is being held at the Galveston County Jail on capital murder charges. Bail was denied.

The shooter had no criminal record and Abbott said the only warning sign of danger was a photo of a T-shirt emblazoned with the words “Born to Kill” that investigators found on his Facebook page.

“Sometimes we get a little too free” said the Governor.

“My God it’s good to be American, but it can sometimes be too good”


  1. Alternative headline- “Piers Grove, Beetoota Advocate publisher and Gun Control Director comes up with a stunning and unique way to dance in the blood of innocents to push a purely ideological position”

    You’re welcome!


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