UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has today asked all Brits to remember the importance of being humble in victory, even though that is not a scenario that they will likely find themselves in for the foreseeable future.

Last night, England failed to end their 55-year wait for a major international trophy as Bonucci met Luke Shaw’s early goal at Wembley before Donnarumma’s heroics between the posts saw the Azzurri win the coveted trophy for the second time.

It was a sporting collapse only rivalled by England’s decision to squander their 100-year-head start on colonial bloodshed by voting themselves out of the European union and cutting themselves off from any form of trade deals with Europe.

From the stadium Johnson tweeted “That was a heartbreaking result to end #Euro2020 but Gareth Southgate and his @England squad played like heroes. They have done the nation proud and deserve great credit” – but it seems the humiliation was far from over.

The sea of crying pommies parted as the Prime Minister’s official convoy left Wembley and headed back to 10 Downing Street, where he decided to hit they hay early rather than commiserate yet another blow to the morale of the English in the middle of a pandemic.

However, today Boris Johnson says England’s defeat must feel hollow to their opponents, after such extremely unsportsmanlike conduct last night.

While jilted English fans for bashing Italian teenagers on the tube and in the suburbs surrounding the stadium, it seems that Azzurri were in the midst of organising the ultimate prank on The British Prime Minister.

“I found the severed head of a racehorse in by bed this morning” tweeted Johnson moments ago.

“Immature and not the type of conduct I expect from so called ‘European champions’ – I sincerely hoped that this prank was planned under the presumption that England would win last night”

“Remember Brits, we are winners by virtue of being British!!! Except for a few housing estates in Belfast and Londonderry.. Brits are always the winners!”

“It is always important to humble in victory and gracious in defeat. The Italians should be ashamed. That’s $12,000 worth of silk that now has to be thrown out”


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