Following the announcement of the sixth instalment of Pirates of the Carribean franchise, Disney has confirmed lovable criminal Johnny Depp will reprise his role as loveable criminal Captain Jack Sparrow in a story that will involve him stealing treasure directly from the audience’s wallet.
Not much is known about the plot yet other than the booty plundered from the pockets of dads taking their kids out for school holidays will go towards funding the same performances you’ve already seen from Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom who reportedly admit they took the roles because they didn’t have anything better to do during the films opening sequence.
Executive producer Jerry Bruckheimer teased fans with other plot details for the film, currently being shot under the working title ‘Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Franchises Tell More Tales.’
“Don’t want to spoil too much, but the baddies in this one are going to be dead guys who are still alive somehow!” exclaimed the producer who gave us Kangaroo Jack (2003).
Despite calls for Johnny Depp to resign after domestic violence allegations from ex-wife Amber Heard, Bruckheimer states that Depp is still the man for the job.
“Him and Amber are keen to move on and continue to take your money by selling you a ticket to a film you’ve already seen. Besides, he got some method acting in when he smuggled those dogs down-under wouldn’t you say!”
Depp was unavailable to comment as he was too busy hanging from the ceiling while he waited for the sun to go away.