ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local idiot embarrassed himself last night watching a rerun of the ABC’s Gruen Transfer after telling his partner that Wil Anderson, the show’s host, only had one leg.

“Oi but,” prefixed Tyler Cottonseed, the aforementioned bozo.

“You know he’s only got one leg, hey? Crazy,”

“Come to think of it, where is Todd Sampson from? He sounds American but he could also be Canadian? Or he could be one of those freakazoids who went to an international school in Honkers or the ‘Gapore? Nuts.”

But his partner, Steeden Lewis, had to correct her dimwitted boyfriend as he sat happily next to her on their new three-seater Ikea lounge.

She told our reporter that two options were presented before her; either be polite about it or rub his blatantly ignorant nose in it.

As it was around 9 on a Wednesday night and she had two-thirds of a bottle of GSM sloshing around inside of her, she went with the latter.

“Mate, you are thinking of Adam Hills,” she said, pushing herself up from the couch so she could look him in the face.

“You always get them confused. One looks like Professor Snape’s cool cousin that might drive a Jeep Wrangler and the other looks like he might’ve been a Wiggle at some point. They don’t even sound the same!”

Tyler sat there in the dark stunned.

“You’re just upset because your parents named you after a football!” he murmured back.

Steeden got up off the couch, told Tyler to go fuck himself then slammed their bedroom door behind her.

“This is all your fault, Wil,” Tyler said to the television, just as another explosive burst of canned laughter slithered out of the Palsonic’s in-built speakers.

More to come.


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