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A Maroochydore man who now calls Betoota Hills home has confided in friends, who then immediately told The Advocate, that he doesn’t know how to throw hands – despite being from a coastal town.

Kade Brooks, a second-year sports science student at South Betoota Polytechnic College, said that many people expected him to be able to fight because of his appearance and pedigree.

“I’ve had lots of guys look me up and down and walk away,” he said.

“When we go out on those college theme nights and stuff, you know the nights when all the townies come out and try to mingle with the students, they always leave me alone for some reason,”

“Then somebody said it was because I’m a coastie named Kade with a sleeve tattoo – so they just assumed I knew how to fuck people up at the drop of a hat. The truth is far from that.”

The 24-year-old fears for the day when somebody decides to take a shot at the title and throw down at him.

“My parents always told me not the fight people. You can kill people with one punch. It’s largely redundant and you can get arrested for it. The best thing to do is walk away and get punched in the back of the head. I’m worried that someone who can actually fight, like a Golden Glovesman or something, will come find me then boot my colon out through my mouth!”

Our reporter reached out to some of Kade’s college friends for comment.

One mate, Billy Campbell, said that being seen near Kade on nights out has both given him the confidence to be a bit lippy to strangers as well as the feeling one gets when they feel untouchable.

“It’s great,” he said.

“But I know what you mean, if somebody goes nuclear on us, you might as well warm the helicopter up because we’ll be in big trouble,”

“But until that day, I will call you a fuck head from a moving car and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

More to come.


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