A woman’s body has fallen into a rather unfortunate habit, having pavloved itself into needing a poo every time the tanning mitt came out.

Sarah Field [22] is alleged to have brought out the Bondi Sands Thursday night to prepare herself for a weekend of club-hopping.

Due to her Irish/ English ancestry, Sarah had been cursed with translucent white skin, which though looked gorgeous in a long number, wasn’t always the best look for a mini dress – especially as her grandfather had lovingly referred to her legs as ‘two cigarettes hanging out of a packet.’ 

This refusal to embrace her vampiric beauty has left Sarah rather dependent on fake tan, which sees her buying the darkest shade possible in an effort to gain a neutral base colour.

This commitment to obtaining the perfect tan also means that Sarah must avoid getting her tan smudged, steering clear of any clothing or water for two hours as the colour develops.

But unfortunately for Sarah, the circular motions of the tanning mitt must have done something to her bowels, as she’s suddenly in dire need of a toilet break.

Hovering her butt above the toilet in an attempt to place some distance between the seat and her freshly tanned cheeks, Sarah gingerly tries to squeeze one out without getting a brown ring of tanning lotion all over her toilet seat.

More to come.


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