The Hawaiian string instrument known as the ukulele has today been added to the very long and wide-ranging list of things that Prime Minister Morrison is hopeless at.

As revealed in Karl Stefanovic’s exclusive 60 Minutes interview with the Morrison family, the PM has spent the last two years trying to teach himself how to play the ukulele, while the rest of us were dealing with snap lockdowns and missed rental payments due to the government’s horrifically managed pandemic response.

The ukulele is a member of the lute family of instruments and was popularised in Hawaii. It generally employs four nylon strings, and makes for the most perfect keepsake to remind you of your wonderful holiday spent enjoying the pristine sands and all you can eat buffets of the Polynesian islands.

What was supposed to be a light-hearted 60 Minutes puff piece aimed at winning back suburban voters who think the Prime Minister is actually incapable of critical thought or any form of political instincts, has since turned into 30 long minutes of watching extremely wealthy Christians pretend to be normal people.

And as the nation learnt last night, Scott Morrison’s ukulele skills are barely polished enough for him to play two different renditions of the same line of the same chorus from a very popular Australian rock ballad.

The ukulele joins the jab roll-out, the bushfire response, federal quarantine, womens safety in Parliament, the sports stadium grants, the car park grants, the fall of the Attorney-General Christian Porter, the AUKUS submarine deal, the subsequent diplomatic fall-out from the submarine deal, the Chinese trade deals, the booster roll out, the RAT roll-out and the leaked cabinet text messages on the list of things that Scotty can and will fuck up.

In what is now proving to be a mercilessly cringeworthy attempt at rebranding as somewhat of a likeable Aussie dad, The PM has somehow allowed Stefanovic to place a ukelele in his hands in front of the TV cameras – completely missing the fact that this kind of imagery can only remind Australians of the time he fled to Hawaii on a family holiday while our firies were dying in overturned fire trucks that were being crushed beneath blazing gum trees in the middle of record breaking bushfires.

It is not yet known what other things will join this list before the May election, but one can assume there’s plenty more to binfires to come – starting with this overwhelming spike in international tourists that are expected to arrive in Australia in the next couple weeks.


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