31 January, 2016. 12:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The prime minister has revealed this afternoon that he’s spent the past 48 hours in a hammock reflecting on his life and how he ended up in a situation such as the one that’s been presented to him in the past week.

While many dual citizens of Australia and now-blacklisted Islamic nations have either been deported or detained inside US ports of entry, Malcolm Turnbull has yet to publically speak out against the controversial Trump immigration policy that’s triggered hundreds of protests around the world.

“To be honest, I’ve just had some time in the hammock,” said Turnbull. “I’ve also had a good hard look at myself in the mirror and wondered why I even got into this hoorang jackaroo bullshit job in the first place.”

Malcolm then asked our reporter to come inside and roll him a smoke, saying his hands were still wet from the pool.

“Then you’ve got these sucked mango seeds like fucking ScoMo going on radio and making an absolute cunt of himself. Just after I got him and fucking what’s his fucking name, that fucking Dutton, I fucking told those dropkicked rockmelons not to fuck up – and what?”

“One picks a fight with the Lebanese community and the other says ‘the world is catching up to Australia’s immigration policy?’ – I mean, fuck me! I feel like cartwheeling under the next bus to roll up New South Head Road.”

The prime minister then thanked our reporter for the cigarette then told him to fuck off.

More to come.



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