In the third Royal Commission since he became Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull has today called for an official inquiry into Melbourne’s left lane right turns.

As it stands, to turn right in Melbourne’s CBD you must get into the far-left lane, then turn across two lanes of traffic into your desired street. Contrary to the rest of the nation, where to turn right, you actually just move your vehicle into the right lane, Melbournites insist this is a sensible way to turn.

Victorian Minister for Roads and Road Safety, The Hon. Luke Donnellan MP, struggled to find a logical and rational defence to the PM’s announcement as he caught up with our reporter on the ground in Melbourne.

“Well, you see, sometimes in life, in order to go forwards, you must go back. The same principle applies here, to go right you have to go left.”

When questioned further by our reporter, the Minister became flustered and took to primary school tactics to avoid more probing.

“I know you are but what am I?”

Then, despite this particular insult not making any sense, Mr. Donnellan continued to employ the evasive manoeuvre.

“Takes one to know one.”  

At this point, our reporter decided to pull the plug on the interview as the Minister dropped to the ground and insisted they played a game of ‘dead lizards’.

The Advocate understands that Turnbull is personally looking forward to an outcome that will rid the city of the turns, after he and his luxury car were involved in an accident on Collins St late last year.

More to come.


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