LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

A slightly-behind-the-curb mate’s birthday drinks over a game of barefoot bowls was tragically ruined by a competitive mate who decided to keep score of the day’s games.

Tom Varney was hoping to celebrate his late 20s birthday with some mates, beers and ironic recreation but found himself unable to enjoy the pensioner past time as friend Samantha Wall (24) began keeping a close eye on who was winning.

After a few loose rounds full of poorly performed bowls and jokes about ball tampering, Wall quickly began making sure everyone was taking their turn on time and announced the winner at the end of each round that she marked down on a piece of A4 paper, the origins of which remain unknown.

“Elliot! It’s your turn! Chop chop!”

Initial witness accounts state most partygoers went along with Wall’s autocratic game plan but became frustrated when they realised she was beating everyone else.

“She wasn’t even drinking, that’s how much she was trying to keep a clear head.”

As the games progressed Wall was alleged to have sledged her fellow players and yelled ‘jynx’ as they took their shots.

Ultimately this no-nonsense strategy was successful for Wall who at the end of the groups time on the green had won 19 of the 21 games.

Back at the club, birthday boy Tom Varney described the mood of the post-game beers as going from bad to worse as Wall proposed a toast, not to the birthday boy but to herself for ‘totally creaming everyone at lawn bowls today.’

At present, Varney says his main concerns involve how seriously Wall plans on taking the karaoke he plans on suggesting as the night digresses.


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