Thirty minutes into a one-off massage, local man Simon Flatley is now remembering why he doesn’t do this that much.

After ordering a textbook no-nonsense deep tissue body rub, Simon is now wondering if he should be putting his ability to walk in the hands of a 60 kilogram Thai masseuse.

The massage in itself comes from some weird impulsive decision that is a direct result of Simon not knowing how to spend his weekends after breaking up with a long-term girlfriend last month.

With the waterfall music playing in the background and incense burning, the heartbroken 20-something says it feels like going 10 rounds of hell in the cell with Triple H.

As a very pointy knee his jammed into the centre of his back, the hungover construction manager begins wondering if anyone has ever suffered a bone fracture or similarly debilitating injury as a result of a suburban body massage.

“It’ll be alright” he says to himself.

“This is the good massage parlour”

Simon reconciles his decision, telling himself that rolling the dice on a long-term spinal injury in the name of relaxation will be a much better for his body and soul than having to look at himself after yet another afternoon spent drunkenly betting on greyhounds.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here