ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Should the worst happen and recreational marijuana use becomes legal in Australia, the Harbour Capital has already taken precautionary steps to baffle the impact the special little herb will have on the city.

The New South Wales Premier, Gladys Berejiklian, made the announcement today in Sydney and told reporters that no legislation has been drafted as yet – but the feeling in the party room is that something needs to be done.

“We can’t have people on drugs roaming around the city like we’re in Melbourne or something,” she said.

“There needs to be and there will be heavy restrictions placed on marijuana use should it become legal in this state. In terms of where it sits on my totem pole, at the moment it’s quite low. But the first marijuana-related violent death in Sydney will be the catalyst for these new laws,”

“They will include, in a trial period, an outright ban on using marijuana in a public space. If you leave a CBD venue to enjoy a jazz cigarette, you won’t be allowed back in. You won’t be able to buy ‘that sticky shit’ after 10PM – even if you’re just going to go home and play Fallout or something. These new laws are designed to keep us safe.”

The comments have angered the pro-marijuana lobby, which this afternoon lashed out at the Premier.

Some of the Greens were also shocked, saying that lumping Mary-Jane in with its violent step-father alcohol is not only harmful to progress, against the public interest and archaic – it’s also dangerous.

“Like 80% of the state either want it legalised or don’t care if it is,” said maverick NSW Greensman, Jeremy Buckingham.

“I’m one of them. It’d breathe new life into the agricultural sector as well as fund these giant white elephant infrastructure projects that this failed state feels implored to build once a decade. I mean, for fuck’s sake. The mind boggles, it does,”

“Anyway, I don’t think we’re in danger of these laws getting through. Not until all these Tory baby-boomers wither away and die.”

More to come.



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