21 October, 2016. 17:03
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
MARCUS DOLLARHIDE WAS OUT to dinner with his fiance’s parents on Sydney Upper North Shore when his future father-in-law loudly ordered another bottle of red after telling the 27-year-old that he’d be driving them home that evening.
As a meek young professional eager to please the husky Catholic father of his bride to be, Marcus smiled then nodded, complimented his dinner and ordered a virgin mojito.
However, things went awry when he was thrown the keys to the BMW M3 he’d be piloting back to the in-law’s Wahroonga home.
“My heart sank. I was the only sober one, nobody else could drive – well legally anyway,” recalled Dollarhide.
“I’ve never felt so emasculated in my life. I told her father that I couldn’t drive a manual and his red-stained lips curled up and he told me to chuck him the keys back. But I’m glad I did it, you shouldn’t expect a millennial from Melbourne like me to be able to drive a manual,”
“So there I was, squashed into the back seat of a German sports car being driven home by a semi-retired emerging markets specialist who’d just inhaled four bottles of Wolfblass over dinner. My fiance wouldn’t even look at me, I think she even called me a ‘faggot’ at one point when she was joking with her dad later on. I wanted to die.”
That’s just what a new study commissioned by the CSIRO has concluded – that young men who can’t drive a manual should be euthanised to prevent future embarrassment.
Only 33% of Gen Y drivers state they’re able to drive a vehicle fitted with a manual transmission – a fact that truly horrifies older road users.
More to come.
Your average 12 year old car thief can’t drive a manual either. All the better reason to have one!
Here in rural WA, 12 year old ‘traditional custodian’ car thieves just bunny-hop their stolen cars away from the kerb, and they are completely undistinguishable from every other half-blind spastic WA driver who got their driving licence from cutting out coupons on the back of cornflake packets.
Hahha nice,Teach your Sons how to drive MANual for crying out loud!
Oooooooooh the old licence from a cornflakes box gag. Fuck off Hugh.