Hundreds of career academics and internationally recognised marine scientists are wrong, it has been confirmed today.

People who run snorkeling charters and car hire companies in North Queensland confirmed these findings when they announced that all this hysteria about coral bleaching in the Great Barrier – is quite frankly – not true.

A Cairns fisherman has told Malcolm Turnbull that the reef is fine, and that scientists are wrong.

“Don’t listen to those smug wankers mate. I’m from the school of hard knocks. I know what’s really going on” says local tourism operator, Mike Hunt

Through conducting their own research with a tinny and a disposable underwater camera, tourism operators in the Deep North have found less than 5 per cent of coral has died off – compared to the 50 to 60 per cent estimated by some of the greatest minds in environmental science.

Their meticulous findings show coral mortality in the outer shelf reefs north of Lizard Island was between 1 and 5 per cent with “spectacular” fish life and coral coverage, and that you should book a holiday there as soon as possible.

Up to 6 different blokes went out with eskys and their rods in a joint two-week expedition sponsored by local tourism bodies, where they surveyed 28 sites on 24 outer shelf reefs along a 300km section of the hardest-hit part of the reef from Bathurst Head to Raine Island.

Hunt said reports of 93 per cent bleaching on the 2300km long Great Barrier Reef had damaged the reputation of the $5 billion reef tourism industry, and that it’s all bullshit, and that you should have a look at some of the specials over Christmas.

“Scientists had written off that entire northern section as a complete white-out,’’ Mr Hunt said.

“It’s not as bad as those uni wankers say, most of it is good as, the rest is in full recovery, and by the way. If youse come out on my boat, I know all the good spots,”

“Where the bloody hell are ya?”


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