After spending the last couple hours trying to get ahold of the Charters Tower axeman, our reporters have been informed that Andrew Symonds is in some dodgy reception up North – and also he couldn’t give two fucks about what has become of the Michael Clarke legacy.

After a decade long career as a batting all-rounder, Andrew Symonds was one of the many members of the late 90s Australian cricketing old guard to be publicly smeared and disrespected by both Cricket Australia and the blonde-tipped younger kids that came through at the back end of his career.

Symonds was set to play for Australia in the August 2008 series against Bangladesh in Darwin, but was sent home to Queensland after missing a team meeting while out fishing. A minor slip up not nearly as bad as intentionally roughing up a match ball with sand paper.

Stand-in captain Michael Clarke told the media that Symonds would have to re-evaluate his desire to represent Australia: “The main concern from us is Andrew’s commitment, to playing for this team and, in my opinion and I know the rest of the leadership team’s opinion, you need to be committed 100 per cent.”

Adding insult to injury, Symonds was not selected for the Australian tour to India in October 2008.

Between crackling phone calls from a tinnie somewhere up north, Andrew Symonds was not available for comment because he couldn’t really give a fuck about what’s become of these precious Sydney boys.

“Gotta go” he shouts.

“I’ve got a Queensland groper tugging on the Shimano. Only out here with light gear so need both hands”

“Go ask Katich what he reckons. Fuck youse”


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