A recent report by Monash University’s anthropological department has found that 95% of all Australians secretly want to spend an entire weekend in rural New South Wales watching bogans cut hoops in their hotted utes.

The Deni Ute Muster, Australia’s biggest ute muster kicked off on this Friday, with 20,000 people flocking to the wild town of Deniliquin for some country festivities, which included binge-drinking, utes doing donuts, country music and a live AFL stream.

“What we’ve found is that almost every Australian secretly wants to go to Deni to have a look at what’s going on” said lead researcher, Professor Lote Tallis.

“Class, demographics, race, gender, age – these factors are all regardless when it comes to the everyday Australians lust for dust” he said.

“Whether you are Malcolm Turnbull or Dustin Martin, there is an undying thirst for petrol that needs to be quenched by a ute muster.

A ute muster is an Australian festival which brings together large numbers of utes and their owners. These events typically include competitions and other side events, occur annually, and normally last several days and are held in rural and regional areas of Australia and New Zealand.

It is believed that even the most at this aristocratic Australian culture vultures have been spotted at the Deni Ute Muster over the years. In 2014 former Prime Minister Paul Keating was spotted pulling the arse out of a Holden Kingswood with offensive bumper stickers.

“Deni us so fkn good” tweeted Paul Keating at the time.

In 2008 former wife of Ellen Degeneres, Portia de Rossi was seen drinking a passionfruit flavoured Red Bear alcopop during a live music performance by Kasey Chambers and The Living End on the main stage.

Ms de Rossi was photographed crying during the chorus of ‘True Colours’ while waving an Australian flag.


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