d2 February, 2016. 11:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A new hire at The Betoota Hotel has left the staff scratching their heads as to where he’s from and what language or accent he’s speaking with, says manager Jack Coleman.

He’s fairly certain that the bloke is from the British Isles, Coleman has asked him more than once – but has failed to understand the response.

Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon, Mick Hakoah couldn’t definitively answer where he’s from, as his ‘Ma’ is ‘bog Welsh’ and his ‘Da’ is from the Orkneys.

“Ab’dy anno ‘ere dun no, aye?” uttered Hakoah in whatever pig latin he speaks in. “Ye seen tha’ Brazillian bird danderin’ aboot? Fair hoop on ‘er, aye? Fookin’ get in that, son!”

The 23-year-old’s colourful language and alien insults have taken the town by storm, with a number of locals now referring to each other as ‘wank-stains’ and ‘bampots’.

Speculation that Mr Hakoah is Irish became rife in the wake of Conor McGregor’s historic UFC victories as it’s alleged that the ill-tempered Scorpio knows how to handle himself.

“I’ve seen switch off three truckers at the wall with three punches,” said Coleman. “He hit the first one so hard, he didn’t stop seizing for 20 minutes. He just stood there laughing.”

“That’s kinda why we don’t want to push the issue with him. If he turns on one of us, it’d take half the town just to get him into a set of handcuffs.”

More to come.



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