ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister & Josh announced a raft of tax cuts today to get the economy rolling again, most of which stand to benefit the wealthy.

“If giving the rich tax breaks got us into this recession, giving them more tax breaks will get us out,” said Scott Morrison.

“Rich people spend money on things like NAB shares and flowers. Things that the economy needs to restart. Which is why we’ve given them more money to spend,”

“If we gave people struggling a bigger tax break, they’d just piss it up the wall on things they don’t need like orange-flavoured chocolate and microwave popcorn,”

“We could tax these giant multinationals that harvest our natural resources then shift the profits overseas but we don’t want to. I’d honestly rather go over to Barnaby’s house to eat some pigeon. You see, Barnaby catches his own pigeons in a crude trap up on the Parliament House roof. He then crams them into a garbage bag then uses his car exhaust to gas the pigeons to death. Then he pops them in the chest freezer and eats them as he pleases. I must’ve eated 10 this year. No more sky lobsters for me,”

“Anyway, go the mighty Sharkies!”

More to come.


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