ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

TEN YEARS AGO, people stood around awestruck whenever Nathan Delaney would pop the top off a beer with his teeth, now his mates actively try to stop him.

They offer him a bottle opener, a lighter or even offer to open the thing for him. But the 28-year-old maddog always refuses.

“Nah watch this, I’m a madcunt,” he’d often say just as he’d put the bottle in his mouth, before a standing circle of cringing faces.

Upon spitting the bottlecap out, the sociopath would look from face to mortified face – looking for some sort of support.

“Fuck!!! I hate it when people do that,” said his pal, Fred.

“Teeth are a wife. Treat them good and they’ll treat you good. Treat ’em bad and they’ll ruin your life. I like Nathan, he’s a top bloke but fuck me, he is a simple cunt sometimes.”

“We honestly try to take the beer off him. We’ve tried to teach him to identify right angles bends in hard objects, like fences or tabletops where a which judo chop in the right place can knock the lid off a bottle as quick as you’ like. We got him a keyring bottle opener for his birthday, but the idiot keeps losing his keys,”

“He’s putting his dentist’s kids through private school.”

The Advocate reached out the Mr Delaney for comment, but the mobile number we had was disconnected.

He also failed to respond to our emails, which we forwarded to nate_the_snake_69er@***

More to come.


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