Bob Katter MP has today found himself enlightened to the struggle of Australia’s LGBTQI community.

In conversation with the equally maverick Independent senator Jacqui Lambie, Katter worked up the courage to ask what the acronym LGBTQI actually stood stood for.

After several attempts, Lambie became very aware that this might take a while.

“Wait start again at L” said Katter.

“I’m lost here. Surely the G and the B could all be grouped under the G. Is there something I’m missing here. Are the Lesbians not gay?”

Jaqui started again, knowing this is probably the first and last time the North Queensland MP will ever behave this conversation.

“No Bob, what I’ve been led to believe is that Lesbians and Bisexuals identify as Lesbians and Bisexuals. It’s just the boys that like boys that are gay, even though they are all gay, to some degree. You’re right they probably should have a title of their own”

“Well they do in my part of the world.” said Katter.

“We call them lavender-scented gentlemen. There’s a few other terms but as I’ve learnt in the last few days, many of them are now outdated”

“Okay. One more thing Jac. Before we get to the other letters” said Katter.

“Sometimes I see a cross at the end of the acronym. Does that stand for Gay Christians? I’ve met with the gay gun owners lobby before but not the gay Christians. Didn’t think those two lifestyles would align that well. But then again, if Scott Morrison can call himself a Christian I guess anyone can”

Jacqui let out a guttural sigh, as Bob launched into his next anecdote.

“Funny story actually. You know that this gay gun mob, the pink pistols they call themselves, they reckon they’ve been able to minimise gay bashings by 100% ever since the introduction of the Adler shotgun. I’ve always said that bastard Little Johnny Howard was homophobic for taking our guns off us. Anyway… speaking of the lever-action firearms, my son Robbie and I were out in the Gulf one day helping some drought-riddled cockies put some starving cows out of their misery…”

Katter then told the Senator a story that actually wasn’t that funny, as he went into great detail explaining how he and his son shot close to three hundred head of cattle between the eyes with a legally grey shotgun – a task he believes is expected of any local member in an Agricultural electorate that doesn’t rain much.


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