ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

If NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian wanted some tips on destroying the pangolin’s wrath, she should look no further than our nation’s West, says the state’s de facto leader Mark McGowan.

West Australian Premier Mark McGowan, a former Coff Harborian who after a stint in the Navy, decided that living in the West is actually pretty fucken mad and that he should stay and try to become their leader one day, shared his secret to crushing the virus to The Advocate today during an hour-long phone call that didn’t really cover anything.

“Ok, first things first, make sure your city is the most isolated city on earth,” he said.

“Then make sure there’s only two tar roads into that state. You block them off. Nobody allowed through. Next, you pretty much shut the airports to aircraft from outside the West. If they’re actually bonafide Sand Groupers, let them in but fucken put them in a hotel room for fucken ages until you know for sure they don’t have this Sydney Sneeze!”

“When Sydney can do that, they’ll crush this virus like it was driving a Proton Jumbuck that’s just hit a powerpole at 140!”

McGowan laughed.

“And then Gladys needs to rejig her economy so it’s pretty much iron ore, Spinning Top Music and quokkas. When NSW is able to do that, the people of New South Wales will be back drinking in public in no time.”

More to come.


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