Jamie Oliver’s 15-minute meals were the culinary revolution the working class were praying for. A delicious, healthy and, most importantly, quick to prepare meal that would spice up mundane weeknight meals. There was only one problem, they did not take 15 minutes at all.

While a number of people have taken to negatively reviewing his website, The Advocate can reveal that there’s actually something much more serious at play. So serious, in fact, that the guardians of time itself are looking into it.

“It came to my attention that Mr. Oliver has not fully grasped the concept of time” said George Airy III, time keeper at the Greenwich Royal Observatory.

“12 hours, 36 minutes and 28 seconds ago I attempted to cook his ‘Quick Lamb Tagine’ for my family”

“Do you know how long it took me?”

“33 minutes and 15 seconds. The fact that he claims the meal takes 15 minutes to cook is an insult to my very existence.”

The Advocate understands that George has put his top investigators on to operation Timely Manner to find out just exactly where Mr. Oliver was taught how to tell the time and to see if there are other victims of this atrocity.

“We suspect his children may have inherited their father’s poor understanding of time – we’re trying to contain that situation so it doesn’t contaminate and warp any other child’s perception of simple time telling.”

More to come.


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