LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
In a victory that feels ‘kind of’ like he’s just won an election, opposition leader Peter Dutton is taking credit for a resounding ‘No’ result in the 2023 Indigenous Voice Referendum
This makes the Liberal Party the first political movement since Imperial Japan to actually celebrate after performing a successful kamikaze mission.
As someone who is about as electable as the various vegetables, villains and wooden puppets he resembles, Dutton has to take any win that he can get – even if that means the type of win that undoes twenty years of bipartisan negotiations.
And now with the First Australians stuck facing the exact same gaps in health, education and life expectancy – Dutton is celebrating the fact that his party has succeeded in appealing to the worst qualities of his voters and his party – after spending the last six months validating the most unelectable far-right figures within the Liberal and National coalition.
“This is a win for common sense,” stated Dutton, his twisted body lying amongst the wreckage of his self-destructive final flight.
“This sends a message to all moderate Liberal voters that you are no different to the average Nationals, One Nation or even United Australia voter. You are all the same to me and to everyone else watching along at home. All we wanted to do was avoid division. And we’ve won”
“I wonder if this is how Scomo felt in 2019 when he pulled off the miracle”
The Advocate then asked Dutton if it was worth destroying the credibility of his ‘common sense’ party by tanking a referendum just to ‘own’ the Prime Minister to which he responded “stop being divisive”
When we explained we weren’t being divisive he retorted with “yes you are. Stop the division” before being engulfed by the flames of burning jet fuel.
MORE TO COME.