A prominent inner-city corporate creative has scolded himself this afternoon, after accidentally dropping his smartphone in the base fountain of a recently commissioned CBD statue.

Ande Merthyr (33) says he almost had a panic attack when he saw his iPhone floating alongside all the gross coins in the wishing pond.

“Birds feathers!” shouted the Southern elitist, after severing himself from his comforting but noisy echo chamber of green-left politics.

“Quick. Out of my way I need to get to Harris farms. How am I supposed to post an at-home-with-kids-on-friday-night photo on Instagram if this thing isn’t working.

However all is not lost for the former campaign volunteer for Natasha Stott Despoja, as he got his hands on natures most effectives dessicant to wick away any leftover moisture.

“Qunioa actually is the best thing for rescuing your phone” he says, while gently shaking a bag of uncooked quinoa grains.

“It actually is way better than uncooked rice”

The price of quinoa has quadrupled since from 2006 to 2013, as American and Australian inner-city residents gradually discover this new superfood. Resulting in a lack of access for the people who actually grow it in the high mountains of Bolivia and Peru – as their staple diet has now been skyrocketing well and truly out of their price range, even locally.

Unfortunately, with Ande’s new phone rescue method entering the mainstream amongst his equally detached inner-city friends, it appears the South American peasants may never eat quinoa again.



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