1 February, 2016. 13:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Her Majesty The Queen has addressed calls for The Crown to cancel a planned state visit by US president Donald Trump later in the year by telling the media that no such thing will happen.

However, Queen Elizabeth did offer some advice to the president for when he visits Paris in the weeks after his planned London jaunt.

“Traffic can be ghastly in Paris, especially that time of year,” explained The Queen.

“It is much wiser to advise the driver to take the tunnel. With a bit of skill and luck, you’re able to shave minutes off a journey. I shared this insider information Mr Trump’s staff and they were equally as enthusiastic about him taking the tunnel.”

Some conservative commentators from within the United States have taken the time to explain to their audiences the link between the Royal Family and the Pont de l’Alma road tunnel, saying that it sounds like a conspiracy in the making.

Domestically, Sky News social commentator and gay marriage proponent Paul Murray has expressed his fears that the British Crown may be plotting to have the president killed.

Using his evening cable television show to explain his theory, Murray said to “mark his words.”

“I mean, how obvious do you want to make it? The Queen pretty much telling Trump to take the tunnel when he’s next in Paris,” he said.

“The Pont de l’Alma road tunnel is basically an execution chamber for the Royal Family. Why isn’t anybody saying anything about this? Also, gay people should be allowed to marry but Islam isn’t compatible with western society. Have a god night.”

More to come.


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