A recent study by the CSIRO has found that when chickpeas, wheat, barley and canola are doing well, farmers in North-West NSW are complaining a little less about their tortured existence on the land.

Speaking from his completely manicured chick pea farm in the black soiled Liverpool Plains, local cocky Chester Windsor-Hillan (55) says that the successful 2016 harvest was a refreshing change from drought, and that every single member of his family now owns a jet ski.

“Even my granddaughter” he says.

“We don’t know when we are going to have this kind of income again so it’s best to get in quick” says the man who was on the third page of the Sydney Morning Herald eighteen months ago, begging for drought assistance.

“I’m a busted old cocky most of the time…”

“…but when the wheat and chickpeas are going off… Fuck me. I just went through Tamworth and put some of the local townie kids through a helicopter course for the fuck of it”

It is believed that life in North-West New South Wales couldn’t be better for those in Agriculture right now. Unless of course your neighbours have been offered big dollars from a wind power company.

It is also believed that Queensland farmers have gone quiet recently since the price of beef went up as high as it has been in decades.


  1. You’re not not trying to tell us farmers like nothing more than a good whinge, next you’ll be saying they’re not as honest as the day is long.
    By the way Robo, generally west of the divide is considered NW in NSW, even Moree is classed as NW. Ever heard of NW slopes?

  2. OK son, a tiny strip in the East is East and all the rest is West. I was navigating around this planet while you were shitting your nappies. Geography is geography, whatever the locals say. A local farmer owes me money and I’ve done a lot of free work for the bastard and he’s never thanked me and he’s a Christian. He also stole a scarifier from me and dumped a buckled one here that his moron son ran over. All around here are farms eaten down to the dirt. The idiots need to work with nature, not against it and the ‘only good tree is a dead one’. Trees bring nutrients up from deep down which are then released when the shedded parts rot away and also retain soil moisture. Burning vegetation is likewise imbecilic. I’ve seen cattle introduced to a property which then ate a 6 inch layer of humus from under the trees. 40 years ago there was a news report about a farmer on the Darling Downs whose paddocks had green grass 4 feet high in them while the neighbours had none because he STOPPED BURNING. He also had 500 tons of silage put away and was very wealthy. As with golf courses, grass is stressed below a certain height. A Texas farmer puts his cattle into a different paddock EVERYDAY, keeps it healthy and produces several times more per acre than the neighbours. All paddocks should be on computer and the moisture content monitored.
    You can’t tell me that fattening cattle on grain, which is not natural, is not damaging our health and giving us heart attacks. It makes me sick looking at what drips out when it’s cooked – multicoloured slime. The locals spray mungbeans with Roundup which has been found to be carcinogenic. I could go on for hours. I haven’t even started on sheet and gully erosion.


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