PAUL BARRET | Climate and Weather | Contact

AS IT TURNS OUT, 23-year-old Devin Capers isn’t the big swinging dick he thought he was.

The apprentice carpet layer made a series of “off-the-cuff” and crass remarks directed at the WhatsApp group admin, who then swiftly removed him.

That was three days ago.

In that time, he’s tried to sabotage a mate’s chances at rooting a female friend of his and threatened to leak sensitive, private information that only people within the group are privy to.

Speaking today from his bed in South Wynnum, Capers agrees that this whole situation can be resolved if they just let him back in.

“I didn’t even do anything wrong,” he said.

“All I did was call the school the admin went to shit and he threw me out. I don’t care, you can’t be in the GPS and be co-ed. It’s just not what it’s all about,”

“It’s fucking bullshit and I’m going to get my revenge,”

“What are they talking about in there? Is it me? Or some other classic stuff?”

“I hate missing out”

Stuck in the centre of this mess is another 23-year-old who’s known Devin since they were kids.

Sally Grager was a short ball Devin threw to the group admin, meaning he tried to set the pair up. But now Derwent Fuzzy, the group admin, says that Ganger has gone off the boil in the past few days.

His suspicions were confirmed yesterday, with Capers admitting to friends that he got in Sally’s ear over the weekend and told her that Mr Fuzzy was and still is up to no good.

“They’re using me as a pawn in their game against each other and I kinda like it,” said Grager.

“Regardless of what happens, I think I’ll probably end up doing one of them. I’d just be careful about who I told, though.”

Derwent finally broke his silence today, lashing out at those who say he hasn’t got a heart.

“Nah fuck him, he can stew for a little while longer,” he said.

“I put it to the group and we all came to the unanimous decision that he needs to spend more time in exile. It’s remarkably peaceful without him being all too big for his britches,”

“Maybe this week sometime I’ll let him back in, but only if that’s what the boys want. He’s [Devin] not actually a bad bloke in real life, it’s just such a shame that he’s a pest when he gets online.”



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