LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

In a genetic battle of retribution, fitness coach Nile Green has started getting a bit thin on top which for a bloke still in his 20s.

While making a trip to a chain retail store, Green caught a glimpse of the top of his balding head on the store security monitor and was able to confirm with some tactical snaps of his phone that the top of his noggin is looking a little thirsty. 

“I’m never going to get carded again,” stated Green, apparently under the impression that seccys check the top of your head.

“Oh dear, society is so cruel to bald people.”

Although Green might now think that his visor collection is completely useless, the twenty nine year old seems to have forgotten that at 6’4’’ he really doesn’t have to worry about too many people clocking his bald spot. 

Baldness affects roughly 20% of men in their 20s but only a select few such as Green can use their abnormal size to look down upon their brothers who have to commit to full time hat wearing or proudly rock a chrome dome.

At nearly 2 metres tall, Green’s rare height and hair loss combination means he can masquerade as a full-headed fellow with hardly anyone able to prove him otherwise.

“Yeah I get asked if I play basketball a lot. Hang on, Michael Jordan he was bald right? No one made bald jokes about him…”

Our reporters then followed Green to a local basketball court where he proceeded to throw his long limbs around with evidence of his impending baldness only visible when be bent down to pick up the ball.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here