ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A recent study has concluded that the steady degradation seen in Western civilisation since the fall the September 11 attacks is directly correlated to the supreme lack of animatronic talking dog and crude CGI talking baby movies.

Cinemagoers from Betoota to New York City have been treated, or tortured, with successive comic book movies with the occasional two-and-a-half hours of glorified autofellatio from Martin Scorsese or Steven Spielberg.

The crude mashing of extremely earnest Americana shot on IMAX stock and the disposable holiday themed pictures from streaming giants have paved the way for this degradation, according to the report, and it leaves only one method to remedy the situation before our children and our children’s children will be sitting down to watch the latest flicks from Bollywood and whatever the Chinese equivalent is.

The study argues that Hollywood features such as Baby Genius and Look Who’s Talking Now represent the high water mark in Western culture and since then, the tide has only gone out to the point now where both wokeness and appalling intolerance have become the mainstay.

The study’s author, Professor Gilby Clarke, explained that while there are some new talking dog movies coming out now, they’re often not the same.

“They’re animations, which is the coward’s way out when dealing with children and animals,” he said.

“We feel America will be back on top if we start putting in the effort again.”

More to come.


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