As winter approaches, an entire generation of young Aussies are preparing their strict bodybuilding regimes in preparation for the Summer’s electronic dance festivals.

Third year carpentry apprentice, Joel Simmons, says the ‘festival season’ is quite an important time of the year for a large portion of Australia’s blue-collar men.

“It starts in about May when we really start to bulk. We hit the protein powder and pre-trainer like it’s about to be banned from the shelves”

“…so come August we can really ‘shred’. This means endless cardio, we strip off all the fat, so when summer hits we are a ready to show off these new rigs”

“and the sluts love it”

The first of many electronic dance festivals over the last few summers has been marred by the tragic deaths of several party-goers, with alleged overdoses on party drugs.

Joel Simmons believes that while this is tragic, drug use isn’t the number one priority for most of the young men present.

“Sure, a couple of the boys rip in and jump on the flippers – but for the most of them, it’s all about burning [calories]. We like to go to these things to have a dance and give the girls a sample of our aesthetics.”

It is believed the ‘Bruss’ culture of six-packs, tattoos and fake tan has entered the mainstream through both amateur bodybuilders and other other sportsmen joining in on the shameless self-promotion via Instagram and Facebook.

Many have ridiculed the new craze and say that it is just a group of sad little boys trying to compensate for something, but Joel Simmons, a proud ‘Bruss’, believes the culture is here to stay.

“People always rip on what they don’t understand. Can you imagine the work we put in?”

“I work as a plumber from 5 in the morning until 5 in the afternoon every day, then I spend at least 2-3 hours in the gym before dinner.

“The mood swings, the pain, the bloating. It all looks good”

“It’s all worth it. We look good, we feel good and we get chicks. Don’t be jel, haters.”


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