11 December, 2016 12:50


Three months after drug kingpin Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman escaped from prison, he held a secret meeting with actor Sean Penn in a mountainous Mexican jungle,

Mexican forces arrested Guzman on Friday after a shootout that ended his freedom after his brazen prison escape in July. In Penn’s article, published in Rolling Stone on Saturday, Guzman touted his drug trade, saying he “supplies more heroin, methamphetamine, cocaine and marijuana than anybody else in the world.”

Penn met Guzman in person in October. It was a sit-down meeting that started with a warm hug and lasted seven hours.

While the White House has confirmed that they are “not happy” with Sean Penn’s decision to interview El Chapo, a spokesperson says that no one is surprised about it.

“We all know Sean Penn is a sicko,” stated White House Chief Of Staff Denis McDonough.

“He does this kind of shit all the time, I don’t even think he lives in America anymore. The last I heard he was living in some Haitian shanty-town…”

“…and somehow he gets access to the most wanted men in the world,”

“I don’t think he means to cause this much trouble, but we keep an eye on him. He’s the reason we were able to find Osama,”

McDonough said the FBI, CIA and several other agencies keep around the clock surveillance on Sean Penn, in an attempt to locate whichever dodgy friends he is meeting up with.

“This photo right here shows Sean Penn smoking marijuana out of a Gatorade bottle with Osama Bin Laden in the back-traps of West Pakistan, only a few weeks before we peppered the international war criminal’s body with bullets and dumped it in the ocean,”

“Forget Zero Dark Thirty… The key to catching Osama was Sean Penn,”

“I never would have thought he’d be stoned when we caught him… But those two put away an entire pound of Afghan kush,”

“[laughter] My advice to anyone who is trying to evade authorities and considers Sean Penn to be a close friend… Don’t pick up his calls. Because he’ll lead us straight to you,”


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