Political emergency crews have confirmed that Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull is safe this morning, after his king-sized bed lit on fire for the second time since he took over from Tony Abbott as Prime Minister.

“It happened this time last year” said one respondent.

“I don’t know how he goes about stopping this. But it’s not good for his poll numbers”

“He’s either got to stop the bed from burning entirely, or burn the whole fucking house down”

Speaking at an Australia Day barbecue in Canberra earlier in the day, Mr Turnbull paid respect to the First Australians but said his Government did not support changing the date.

“There are bigger issues than the date of Australia Day.” he said.

Mr Turnbull spoke about the importance of unity and inclusion in his speech at the official flag raising and citizenship ceremony in Canberra earlier.

The protesters disbanded peacefully after two hours, with one stating that “Fuck Tony Abbott” rolls off the tongue much easier than “Fuck Malcolm Turnbull”.

“We’ll give him another year” they said.

“If he doesn’t come good on his promises we’ll have to rattle out an extra syllable.”


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