BEAU RIVERS | Local News | Contact
Victoria has today been quietly dropped from all Tourism Australia (TA) publications, as the southern state struggles with coronavirus.
“Yeah we didn’t want to make a big deal of it,” said TA CEO Greg Holiday.
“There are some other reasons besides the whole pandemic thing. But this was just the perfect time to slip these changes through,” before hanging up on us.
TA Publicist Lily Zwang was more open discussing the recent decision.
“Does it really surprise you? No good beaches! What a joke. Even shithouse coastal towns can manage a decent beach.”
“The beers are all weird sizes and you’d be forced to drink an avocado latte or some rubbish. Fuck Melbourne.”
One local punter at the Royal Kidman Hotel named Norman, was thrilled with the decision; “Aye fucking wankers with their soy milk. I’ve only ever been as far as Albury mate, and I did not like what I saw from the border. Not one bit.”
Visit Victoria has since responded to the TA decision in a formal statement saying “Whatever. We hate you guys already and you dress like trash”, before running into their room to cry on the phone to their girlfriend.
More to come.