It’s 4:30pm and the girls have been on the rosé since midday. The heels have come off, the makeup has soaked in and Jessica Lavender (25) has just taken over the AUX cord.

Jessica, who once dated west Betoota’s most successful hip-hop artist, considers herself a bit of a rap aficionado and any chance she gets, she likes to assert her musical dominance over her other white female friends.

Holding a half drunk bottle of rosé as a makeshift microphone, Jessica belts out the first line of a song.

“It was all a dream, I used to read word up magazines”

As the evening wore on, Jess and the girls continued to rap iconic verses, that changed the face of hip hop, in what can only be described as the most White Girl thing ever.

The Advocate reached out to music streaming juggernaut, Spotify, to gain an analytic perspective of Jessica’s song selections and to see if there is a bigger trend at play.

“Yes well we noticed that there was a sharp spike in the number of Biggie Small’s and Gwen Stefani streams on Saturdays, and what we discovered is the exact scenario you’re suggesting” explains Donald Treble, head of data and analytics at Spotify.

“What Jessica was probably listening to was our ‘White Girls on Rosé’ playlist, we just cut to the chase and curated the only songs they listen to.”

“Juicy, by Biggie Smalls, Big Poppa by Biggie Smalls… Gwen Stefani Hollaback Girl and Rich Girl… Sometimes Let Me Blow Ya Mind”

“That’s it. That’s all they listen to”

The Advocate can confirm that Jessica in fact played the carefully curated playlist over 40 times on Saturday, and coupled with all that rosé consumed, we can safely assume that she will be wishing her hangover was all a dream too.

More to come.


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