Well after a spicy opening episode on Wednesday, Sophie Monk and her merry gang of toxic meatheads did not disappoint on the second serving.

The blokes were in testosterone hyperdrive as they peacocked and weaseled themselves towards alpha status, by both undermining each other and also intimidating Sophie with their unwarranted egos and lack of interpersonal skills.

Sophie also shared her first tongue kiss with a reasonably normal introvert named Jarrod who must be allergic to hystamine, judging by his Barnaby-Joyce-esque red tint throughout the drinking scenes.

Aside from the rushed intimacies, Sophie appeared to enjoy her first single date of the season – and the Jarrod said he did as well during his high pitch brag back at the jock mansion, which looks like – and probably smells like – a teenage boy’s garage bedroom.

The second brain-fodder segment of last night’s episode was also memorable – with an extravagant photo-shoot that pitted all the morons against one another and forced them to step outside of their macho suedo-Bra Boy comfort zones and play dress ups.

One bloke however, might have taken it a bit too far with the ‘wear as little as possible while flexing and standing too close to women’ trick, which is most popular with 14-year-olds at bluelight discos when they first notice their body changing.

Blake, the finance expert who tries to use words other than finance to explain his job (investor, entrepreuner) proved himself to be the most socially inept of all, as he charged out of the change rooms dressed like an idiot.

After creeping out both Sophie, the other blokes, and some of the younger film crew, Blake earnt himself a good old fashioned spray from the matriarchal Bachelorette.

“Are you fucked in the head, mate?” roared Soph in her thick 1990’s era Gold Coast twang.

“Pull your fucken head in and stop showboating you fucken halfwit!”

The rest of the contestants roared with laughter until Sophie turned the laser in their direction with a foul stare.

“Sorry Soph” they all murmured as Blake smiled awkwardly while internally scorning himself for being such a fucking loser, knowing all too well he was being ferociously tweeted about at the same time.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here