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A Melbourne grandmother has today declared that Dan Andrews’ resignation as Victorian Premier is the only appropriate response to him getting caught smoking ciggies over the weekend.
Norene Murphy, an 85-year-old nan to 45 grandkids, has spent her entire adulthood catching two generations of Murphy teenagers huffing darts behind the shed.
When learning of Dan Andrews resignation earlier today, Norene said “so he should” – before launching into a stern lecture about these dastardly things that smell horrible and ruin your lungs.
As part of their relentless attempts to assassinate his character, Rupert Murdoch’s Herald Sun had previously reported that it’s long been an “open rumour” that Andrews doesn’t mind the occassional dart.
On Friday last week, a slyly recorded video from out the back of a function has confirmed the Victorian Premier does indeed enjoy a Winnie here and there.
This news kind rippled through the news cycle with as much cut-through as any of the other name-smearing hit jobs that the Liberal Party’s media arm at NewsCorp delivers every single day on 1048 front pages aimed at overthrowing the Andrew Government.
However, it did horrify some of Victoria’s strict Catholic grandmothers like Norene, who hate those disgusting cigarettes and think they should be banned.
When asked if perhaps the extreme and non-stop violations of Dan Andrews personal life from paparazzi photographers and right-wing media commentators that resulted in this scandal might be the real reason the Victorian Premier is resigning, and not the cigarette itself, Norene says she doubts it.
“Cigarettes make him look common!” she says.
“There’s no way he can win another election now that everyone knows he has that dirty habit”
“Voters look for stand up citizens. Not lowlifes who pollute their body with that stuff”
“What’s next? He’s going to get on the beers. Put on some rock music?”
“He’d probably slip over and hurt himself!”