A year-long study into the Australian cracker market by top scientists has concluded Jatz are superior in every way, shape and form.

“Anyone buying anything else is kidding themselves,” Professor Hans Van der Klay, lead researcher said.

“Those ridiculous water crackers are over-priced, over-rated and over-abundant on supermarket shelves”.

As well as possessing enough melt-in-your-mouth saltiness to be eaten alone, researchers found the structural superiority made them perfect vessel for dips, cheeses and sweet-chilli philly.

“That’s the Holy Trinity,” South Betoota Mum Freya Greig said.

“Soft cheese is where crackers go to die, they bust off and you end up fingering the brie… Not Jatz.”

“You can also keep it simple with cubed cheddar or go fancy with smoked salmon if the mother’s group is coming over.”

Aiding Jatz appeal is the regular retail price that hovers around $2 a box, depending on specials.

Researchers though pointed to one flaw.

“There can be some confusion around the name,” local Research Assistant Fred Holder said.

“Way down south they’re called Savoys… that’s just confusing, particularly when people are hungover or have had a couple.”

Federal Education and Training Minister Simon Birmingham said in response to the study the government is considering nationalising the name Jatz or including cracker awareness in the high-school syllable.


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