Just as Western Medicine had nearly convinced the world to wean themselves off nicotine addictions, it appears that smoking is back in a big way.

This time around, chain-smoking doesn’t require $4 BIC lighters or heavily processed tobacco leaves mixed with ammonia.

It’s not even smoke, it’s vapour, which looks a lot like ciggie smoke but tastes like the types of lollies that used to be marketed to kids back when big confectionary companies were allowed to do that.

All it takes is a disposable piece of bright coloured plastic, full of shit that no one is asking questions about.

Unfortunately, unlike smoking durries, the rise of disposable vapes comes with it a permanently aching throat – as ingesting the steam from boiling chemicals seems to leave the respiratory system feeling a little bit more raw than a coating of tar ever did.

The ‘vape ache’ has not yet been addressed or explained by medical doctors, mostly because no one has had the time to study the effects that nicotine lolly smoke might have on the human body.

However, the consumers, who are mostly made up of the coolest kids in the beer garden or cafe say that this kind of intentional suffering is all part of being a popular millennial.

Vape Ache now joins Tuesday comedowns, intermittent fasting and renting for eternity as the Gen-Y and Gen-Z answer to shotgun weddings and Vietnam conscriptions.

It is not yet known where anyone buys these kinds of colourful pieces of single-use plastic from, or if they are even legal.



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